i will jus sae..
im prolly jus gng thru a slightly rougher patch in mi life(:
as much as im trying to take it easy
dese two weeks haf been torturous.. brain in a turmoil...
CCA mess
studies in a mess
clique problems
it's all of a sudden.. wen i look baq wad i haf done in dis whole yr.. i can onli see.. horrible stuff.. i cant recall anithing good i haf done...
im nt trying to b pessimistic.. but outta the sudden.. the final result presented to mi.. mi running records.. is so lousy
everything is making mi feel lousy.. esp. wen mi mum chooses not to say anithing n jus say it's okay to make mi feel better.. i feel even lousier.. after doing so much.. grace hasn achieved anithing.. dat i feel like giving up..
i dno how to phrase all these in words becos nobody believes mi.. nobody unds.. everytime i see that sense of disbelief in pple's eyes.. i feel so damn helpless.. n i felt so much jus like walking away from the whole world.. sumtimes i dont even feel like saying becos i noe dat even if i say.. nobody will take it as im toking nonsense... but im not.. i mean every single word i say..
i really haf loads n loads of regrets..
in cross.. after spending so mani mths trng wif the gals wif exception of the track season.. i havent forged ani emotional bondings wif the gals.. i dont care whether u all bliff or not now alr.. but i find miself pathetic.. not that i live in self-pity.. as much as im trying to console miself dat no it's okay.. u run for urself... u shldn care dat much... but i can no longer deceive miself dat i dont care abt emotional bondings.. abt wad the cniors tink abt mi.. wad mr tan tinks abt mi wad ms ng tinks abt mi.. i cant u noe.. i noe it's mi fault rite frm the start..everything was a mistake.. or mayb i shldn haf even pursued running at all.. everything jus seems so wrong to mi.. n i c my running future getting more n more bleak as the DSAs one by one start entering the team n mi running style doesn seem to get ani better and the whole world seems to improve except mi.. academically i dont wna say anithing much alr really... jus stop the suaning alr..beginning is okay.. n wen it continues.. i cant stand it wen pple cum to mi saying dey cant bliff dat i failed papers dat im taking R-papers.. enuff is enuff okay? sorry dis is such a mean n sour post... u noe wad.. small gestures make a great impact.. how true... thx sumtimes for jus sitting by the fone line quietly wifout saying anithing... thx for unds mi so much.. thx for bearing wif mi fone calls n everything n mi wilfulness.. wifout u. i wldn noe how life would b more imptly... thx for letting mi noe dat even if the whole world crashes down onmi.. i still haf u...